How to help them earn more privileges through responsibility.

First and second graders are brimming with an increased sense of confidence and competence. They’re not “little kids” anymore, and they’re clamouring for new opportunities: to take charge of feeding the pets, to stay up later, to walk to the school bus alone. As eager as you may be for your child to spread his wings and take flight, it’s natural for you to hesitate and wonder, “What kinds of responsibilities are right for my child?”

Independence Grows
Any time is the perfect time to let your child take on a few new household duties. It can encourage her budding independence and, though you may not realize it, make the relationship you share even stronger.

Open the lines of communication. Listen to what matters to your child and to what he’s hoping to be able to do. While we don’t recommend jumping every time you hear the words, “All my friends get to do this,” you will want to pay attention to what your child is saying. Doing so will encourage him to feel he can come to you with needs, wants, and worries. When your child advances in maturity, it can be a chance for the parent-child relationship to benefit, but it can also cause the relationship to suffer if you and your child don’t check in with each other to talk about your feelings.

Link independence to new responsibilities. Choose a quiet time to talk with your child about the opportunities she’s seeking. Let her know that you’re happy to support her in becoming more independent as long as she demonstrates her ability to follow through on related responsibilities. For instance, if your child wants to be the one who feeds and walks the dog, explain that you’ll know she’s ready for that level of responsibility when she shows she can keep the house plants well watered and cared for. Your child will be more motivated to take on increased responsibility if she feels she benefits from doing so. She’ll also understand that privileges come with obligations.

TIPS

• Set tangible goals. For example, decide together on how many days in a row your child needs to get himself ready for school in order to demonstrate he is responsible enough to have more sleepovers.
• Provide support and training to ensure success when introducing a new duty. Break a larger job into smaller, more identifiable tasks.

Adapted from Scholastic.com

A baby’s laughter may be the sweetest sound in the world. It’s so infectious! When you get to giggling together, the moment is even more rewarding — in more ways than one. Sharing laughter not only makes you both feel good, it builds trust between you while reinforcing your baby’s feelings of approval. There are many ways to interact with her that will get the giggles going and in turn help develop her sense of humor.

Mismatching. Babies love when something unfamiliar to them is paired with something familiar — for example, when Daddy takes a wash cloth in his teeth and wags his head back and forth like a dog.

Funny sounds. At around 8 months, fricatives — those sounds you make by pushing air forcefully through your teeth such as “foo foo” or “physicist” — get a big response.

Body games. You can evoke laughter with a little surprise hug or gentle tickle when you play This Little Piggy with your baby’s fingers. As you get to the pinky and chant, “And this little piggy goes, ‘Wee wee wee all the way home,’” gently creep up your baby’s arm and tickle her lightly under the chin.

Laughing and Learning. Other sources of laughter and joy for babies are less about acting silly and more about skill development and what babies are learning about the world around them, such as:

Mastery experiences. A toddler who’s been struggling with a puzzle may laugh as he turns his wrist just right so the piece fits. Success is a source of joy for little ones.

Connecting intellectually. As toddlers begin to understand more about their environment, they express more humor. A 2-year-old may thrust her toes into the armhole of her nightgown and shout, “Shoe!” as she giggles. Because she also thrusts her foot into a sneaker, she makes the connection to shoes by pushing her toes into the armhole.

You can help to encourage your child’s developing sense of humor by being silly with her and being open to opportunities to find laughter in everyday activities.

About the Author

Alice Sterling Honig, Ph.D., is a professor emerita of child development at Syracuse University. She is the author of Secure Relationships: Nurturing Infant-Toddler Attachments in Early Care Settings.

Adapted from www.scholastic.com

How a Father spends time with his child

It was my fourth time through the pre-natal class cycle. Though obviously not a new father, I did not want Marsha to go alone (we’d always loved it before), and I learned decades ago that one can’t over-do preparation for parenthood. As a child psychiatrist with a special interest in fathering, I was also very curious to see how the newer dads were coming along these days — had we made any progress in opening the nurturing domain to men?

My answer came quickly. During a break in the first class, Chaz, a “pregnant dad” as he introduced himself, sought me out to ask, “Do you really think dads matter all that much at this stage? My dad never changed a diaper, but he’s my hero to this day.”

“So then, why are you here?” I asked him.

After a thoughtful pause, he answered, “I’m here to learn what to do with my kid. I can’t believe it wouldn’t have made me even closer to him if he’d cared for me — really known me — from the beginning.” In a surprise ending to our brief conversation he added as he walked away, “…and my wife thinks it’s sexy.”

So there you have it. Competent, involved fathering matters to children, mothers, and men. Thirty years of clinical research into all aspects of fathering have brought us to this intriguing conclusion: Fathers that do mother, matter to their children — a lot.

How Kids Benefit from Time with Dad
When men are involved in the lives of their children enough to really know them, to play a role in their physical and emotional well-being — from changing diapers to pediatric visits to facilitating playdates — their children benefit across the whole horizon of growth and development. In terms of behavioral advantages, these children are:

• Less likely to be involved with juvenile justice
• More likely to stay in school
• More likely to be older when they have their first sexual experience
• Less likely to depend on aggressive conflict resolution

The benefits, however, don’t stop with behavioral stability. They are also obvious when we look at how well-fathered kids perform in school and jobs. Such kids demonstrate:

• More overall verbal competence and early literacy
• Higher math competence, in girls especially
• Higher grade completion and income overall

And as if that weren’t evidence enough, we have also seen that kids who enjoy high levels of involvement from their dads while growing up exhibit greater problem-solving competence and stress tolerance, less gender stereotyping among their friends, greater empathy, and moral sensitivity.

Exactly how this all comes about is yet another story. Men show hormonal and brain changes pre- and post-natally that indicate to researchers that preparation for, and reaction to, fatherhood is a far more comprehensive experience biologically and emotionally than we dreamed just a few decades before. I have a strong sense, however, that this is just the beginning of understanding that magical labor and delivery moment when ‘it’ hits dad right between the eyes that his life has changed as profoundly as, if differently from, the mother’s.

Benefits to Moms and Marriage
What about the mom? Does fathering matter to her? More or less than it mattered to her mother? My grown daughters, Emily and Elizabeth, both (terrific) mothers of young sons, grew up during one of the most accelerated rate-of-change eras in the history of female development. One important lesson they have learned along this amazing journey shows itself proudly in terms of their expectations for, and respect of, the very active roles they expect their husbands to play in the lives of their children. Our question again: Does this matter?

Decades of sobering research on the changes when partners become parents alerts us to this perpetual truth; having babies isn’t easy on marriages. Dips in marital satisfaction after the blessed event are quite predictable, can last for years, and consequently are well-worth preparing for, even in pre-natal classes. (Though I have never heard it discussed!) Can having an involved father influence this dip? I am proud to say that research that my wife and I are conducting, with our colleagues Carolyn and Phil Cowan from UC Berkeley, is offering fresh insight into this ancient problem.

Our early results offer the first proof of its kind that having an engaged, involved father lowers the common feelings of loneliness, isolation, and depression that can plague newer parents in particular. We have also shown that when couples receive support to ensure that fathers are positively engaged, they report lower levels of parental and couple stress and anxiety. Some early data about father-engaged young children is also eye-opening: They seem to be more comfortable and less aggressive in group care.

What Dads Feel
But what does fathering mean to men? Again, the research of the last three decades may not be widely known, but it speaks with one voice: Becoming a father is a good thing in the lives of men. This is what we know, to date, about how men’s lives and behavior changes when they father:

• Men live longer when they father (a surprise to most men)
• They change jobs less frequently; they divorce less often and enjoy longer marriages
• They die less frequently from accidents or suicide
• They enjoy higher levels of health
• They take greater responsibility for relationship maintenance as a whole

My own father, a gifted preacher and minister to a large midwestern church, reminded his ambitious, multi-tasking middle son (me) frequently of a conversation with an old farmer over whose funeral he’d presided when he was a young pastor. This proud father of four said he had no regrets over not working harder or being more successful in his life, only that his livestock knew him better than his children.

Over the last three decades, I have spent long hours teaching young college and medical students. This has given me the opportunity to hear them articulate their dreams for the future, and how they plan to make the world a better place. The belief these young men and women express in the value and necessity of involving men positively in the lives of their children is inspiring. Let’s help them do it. They are right on this one.

Adapted from Scholastic.com

(1) Strive for five servings of fruits and vegetables every day. Replace easy-to-grab sugary treats with snack-sized bags of celery, carrots, and broccoli; single serve fruit packs; and boxes of raisins that kids can enjoy on the go.

(2) Customize your pop. Cut down on caffeinated and sugary soda by creating your own fizzy drinks. Just mix 100% fruit juice and club soda.

(3) Snack. Children’s small stomachs can’t always take in enough at meals to meet their nutritional needs. Two or three hours before a meal, enjoy smart snacks such as trail mix, peanut butter on whole-wheat crackers, or low-fat yogurt with a touch of sprinkles.

(4) Post the pyramid. Make a food pyramid with the daily recommendations for children and hang it in the kitchen (encourage your kids to help you illustrate it with photos clipped from magazines or their own drawings). From the bottom up, your pyramid should include:

• Bread group: 6-9 servings
• Vegetable group: 3-4 servings
• Fruit group: 2-3 servings
• Milk, yogurt, cheese group: 2-3 servings
• Meat, beans, eggs and nuts: 5-6 ounces
• Fats: 53-73 grams
• Sugar: 6-12 teaspoons

(Note: Younger children are on the lower end of the recommendations.)

(5) Don’t skip meals. Lack of fuel makes a body and brain tired.

(6) Control portion sizes. Use visual cues like these to teach proper serving size:

• 1 cup of frozen yogurt = a baseball
• 1/2 cup of rice = a rounded handful
• 1/4 cup of raisins = an egg
• 3 ounces meat = a deck of cards
• 1 1/2 ounces of cheese = 6 dice

When eating out, avoid ordering large servings. If restaurant portions are still larger than the recommended serving sizes, save the excess and take home leftovers.

Adapted from scholastic.com

(1) Read together every day. Find a time of day when your child is most able to settle down, such as before naps or after a bath. If he loses interest, stop and try again later. Aim to spend a total of 20 minutes each day reading with him (all at once or in chunks). Those 20 minutes will help him build key reading skills.

(2) Ask questions. Ask your child things about the story that can be answered from looking at the pictures. Have her point out differences in the shapes of letters; this will prepare her to identify them as she learns to read on her own. Remember not to overdo your questions, though. Keep the time fun and entertaining.

(3) Do it together. Make your child feel that the books are really for him. Let him help choose books to buy and which ones to read. Ask him to hold the book or turn the pages as you sit together.

(4) Point to words. Use your finger to help her follow the text as you read it. Pause at a word she might already know and let her say it.

(5) Read it 101 times. Reading his favorite book again, and again, and again actually helps him begin to recognize repeated words. It also helps him become familiar with the structure of a story.

(6) Try picture reading. Even before she can read any words, encourage your child to read to you from the pictures. Look for books with bright, lively illustrations that offer good clues to the text such as Fidgety Fish by Ruth Galloway. Also try rebus books, which use picture symbols for words such as an illustration of an eye to represent “I”.

(7) Read it by heart. If he’s memorized a favorite story, guide him to follow the text as he recites it. Eventually, he’ll associate a spoken word with the written one.

Adapted from scholastic.com

(1) Create reading rituals.

(2) Cuddle. Find a comfortable, quiet place to read and snuggle close with a book and your child’s favorite toy or blanket.

(3) Read with expression. Emphasize rhythm and rhymes, and use different voices for characters, but don’t read in “baby talk.”

(4) Talk about the pictures. Point out colors, shapes, animals, and things of interest to the story.

(5) Share different kinds of books. Picture books with bright art and simple words like those by Eric Carle will hold her attention. Delight your child with rhyming sounds or songs like those in My Very First Mother Goose Book and other collections. Introduce words and concepts with books that teach colors, letters, and numbers. Also use lift-the-flap books and pop-ups that let her interact with the story.

(6) Read it again. Infants and toddlers love hearing the same sounds and words over and over. Reading a book several times also helps him become familiar with common words.

(7) Record yourself reading. Make an audiotape of yourself reading a favorite book and play it on car rides or as an alternative to television. Let your toddler “read” along on her own.

Adapted from scholastic.com

Four-year-old Adam runs to his teacher and says, “I see the sky with my eyes! What color is the sky?” She responds, “What color do you think the sky is, Adam?” “Blue, blue-blue, blue, blue!” Adam replies in a singsong way. “Yes, Adam, the sky is blue,” answers the teacher. Adam looks up at her and asks, “Why is the sky blue?”

Preschoolers love to play with words. They talk continuously both to themselves and to others, keeping conversations going by asking endless questions that may be hard to answer such as Adam’s question, “Why is the sky blue?” Conversing helps them learn to listen and speak. And while 3-year-olds may still speak only in three- or four-word sentences, they use rules of language naturally.

Making Sense of the World

Like adults, preschoolers use words to understand the world around them. They also use props to act out adult roles. As she helps her dad wash the car, 4-year-old Roberta learns to associate a cluster of new words — sponge, bucket, scrub, squeegee-with a specific activity. Later, she practices and shares her new vocabulary as she and her friends wash their trikes. Using a closet with a sliding door as an elevator, Eli and Jon announce, “We’re going up. Now we’re stuck!” In a different game, a model ambulance and stethoscope inspire exciting dialogue as children rush an injured dog to the vet. Preschoolers are also beginning to understand that some words sound the same but have different meanings, as in “Come here” and “I can’t hear you.”

The Fun of Wordplay

At this age, children are discovering that words can gain them attention and make others laugh. They love funny, rhyming nonsense words. Charlotte squeezes the play dough and squeals, “Gush, mush, smush!” Threes and fours enjoy hearing nursery rhymes and often add their own silly extensions. After Robin recites, “Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle,” Jake retorts, “You are a diddle diddle head!” Preschoolers also enjoy alliteration and tongue twisters, and they like to sing repetitive lyrics, such as those in “The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round”.

What You Can Do

• Make prop boxes. Store familiar items in separate see-through containers to encourage independent conversation and play. For instance, a tiny blanket, empty baby shampoo bottle, and diaper can go into a “baby box.”
• Follow children’s lead. Observe literacy themes that develop during play. If preschoolers are playing restaurant, offer materials such as menus, order pads, and pencils, and introduce related vocabulary words such as appetizer, beverage, and entree.
• Encourage conversation. Have regular storytelling sessions. Ask thought-provoking questions such as, “What would you do if you saw a giant beanstalk growing up, up, up in your backyard?”
• Most of all, be sure to allow children plenty of time to enjoy playing with words in a pressure-free, supportive, and print-rich environment.

Kindergarten: Say It Loud — Say It Clear

“You have to organize the cars like this!” shouts 6-year-old Steven as he tries to coerce his classmate, Marcus, to play his way in the block area. “Me want them here,” Marcus softly replies.

If you haven’t already, take the time to step back and listen to how children communicate. You probably will notice that each child uses a vast range of communication styles. On one hand, kindergartners want to be “big” and to express themselves like adults. On the other, they don’t want to lose the security of being “little,” so they continue to use some baby talk.

It’s hard to tell how much of this inconsistent communication reflects children’s still-developing language skills and how much is due to their stage of social/emotional development. That’s probably because these two domains work together. How children feel about themselves, how they play with others, and how independent they are all affect the style and content of their communication.

Am I Big or Little?

Kindergartners are eager to show off their knowledge, strength, and independence by talking in ways they consider grownup. They enjoy demonstrating new vocabulary, often issuing strong statements of beliefs, reciting a variety of interesting facts, or even experimenting with profanity.

Kindergartners tend to be self-assured and literal. Try questioning their ideas and you’ll quickly see how stubborn they can be as well! Remember that in their minds, being grownup is closely linked to being right.

However, their fear of growing up is often as strong as their desire to be grownup already. So their need to sound young is also socially and emotionally based. Kindergarten is a year of major transitions. Children move away from their familiar home or preschool into a school situation that can feel crowded and confusing. It’s not unusual for them to regress in their speed of language learning and behavior. Sometimes it’s just easier to sound and act little in order to get attention or nurturing.

Tuning In

As adults, we know when and with whom to use certain phrases and words — and when and with whom not to. This high level communication skill begins forming during kindergarten. Kindergartners are increasingly able to “read” others, especially adults. They are becoming more and more aware of when it’s useful to appear “big” and when it’s helpful to be “little.” While this behavior may seem calculating, it’s actually an important communication strategy that we all use. Of course, some fine-tuning will be needed, but what’s important is that children are experimenting with how their language can affect others.

What You Can Do

• Provide consistent attention and support. Be sure to notice children when they’re acting mature, not just when they’re being babyish.
• Focus on the positive. For example, discourage whining by telling children that you want to hear what they’re saying but will listen only when they use a normal voice. By ignoring the whining voice while supporting the regular one, you’ll teach children more appropriate ways to gain others’ attention.
• Ask open-ended questions. By doing so, you’ll encourage children to express their ideas without having to worry about being right or wrong.
• Listen carefully. Offer thoughtful responses so that you validate children’s language, as well as their ideas and feelings.
• Be patient. Remember that observation and compassion are your most important tools in the classroom. Instead of immediately reacting to children’s immature behavior and ways of speaking, take a breath — then watch, listen, and feel where your children are emotionally, socially, and linguistically.

Along with many changes and missteps, the coming year will bring your children rich rewards. By supporting their burgeoning language skills, you’ll ensure that you and they thoroughly experience the adventure that lies ahead.

Artical adapted from www.scholastic.com

By Francie Alexander

Q: My 9-year-old daughter is very intelligent but dislikes reading and having to do homework. What can I do to encourage her and spark her interest? She always gets everything done in the evening but not without a fight first or before 10:00.

A: Students in elementary school should do between 10 and 15 minutes of homework for each year in school. Your 4th-grade daughter may have between 40 and 60 minutes of homework a night. Often this includes some reading. Here are some tips to help her use the time well and to ease some of the stress you both are experiencing:

Set up a schedule. Your daughter isn’t going to like me, but 10:00 seems late for a 4th grader’s bedtime. Of course, I don’t know her so you and she need to agree on a lights-out time and work backward to set up a schedule. Here’s a sample to help you with your planning. This schedule is designed with your daughter’s “dislike” for homework in mind and gives her a break. But some children do best when they do homework right after school.

4:00 Rest, relax. Kids need space and downtime in their schedules.

4:30 – 5:30 Sports, art, and other planned activities, sometimes with friends.

5:30 – 6:30 Homework. Have her do it in the kitchen or somewhere close by while dinner is being prepared, so she can ask questions and doesn’t feel isolated.

6:30 – 7:30 Dinner and family time.

7:30 – 8:00 More homework time, if needed

8:00 – 8:30 Free time. If your daughter wants to watch TV, view it with her.

8:30 – 9:00 Reading and getting ready for bed.

Talk to the teacher. Check on how much time the teacher expects your daughter to spend on homework. Ask for ideas on motivating students.

Develop the homework habit. Once you find out what works for you and your daughter (a carefully planned schedule, a “no television or telephone conversations until homework is finished” rule, or something else) stick to it.

This is a good time to teach your daughter how to keep schoolwork, play, fitness and other activities in balance. School is obviously job one for a 4th grader, but it is as important for her to keep up with friends, pursue other interests, and to have time to just be. You are helping her with an important life lesson — and hopefully establishing a little more harmony at home.

Artical adapted from www.scholastic.com

1. Create reading rituals. Set aside a specific time of day to be your daily reading time. Make a routine of picking out the day’s books together and then sitting in your designated reading spot.
2. Cuddle. Find a comfortable, quiet place to read and snuggle close with a book and your child’s favorite toy or blanket.
3. Read with expression. Emphasize rhythm and rhymes, and use different voices for characters, but don’t read in “baby talk.”
4. Talk about the pictures. Point out colors, shapes, animals, and things of interest to the story.
5. Share different kinds of books. Picture books with bright art and simple words like those by Eric Carle will hold her attention. Delight your child with rhyming sounds or songs like those in My Very First Mother Goose Book and other collections. Introduce words and concepts with books that teach colors, letters, and numbers. Also use lift-the-flap books and pop-ups that let her interact with the story.
6. Read it again. Infants and toddlers love hearing the same sounds and words over and over. Reading a book several times also helps him become familiar with common words.
7. Record yourself reading. Make an audiotape of yourself reading a favorite book and play it on car rides or as an alternative to television. Let your toddler “read” along on her own.

Adapted from scholastic.com

Keep reading skills sharp during the holidays by working these tips into your busy schedule

The holidays can be a joyous and hectic time of year.  Your children aren’t likely to have much school work assigned, and will probably be too excited to sit still long enough to read a book.  Here are a few ways to keep those reading skills sharp during all of the seasonal excitement.

• Send Cards: Whether you send a family newsletter to relatives you won’t see or just dash out a quick greeting, holiday cards give children a chance to practice writing as well as reading.  Have your child practice his penmanship by copying addresses onto envelopes.

• Keep the Kids in the Kitchen: Reading recipes helps children work on their reading comprehension and math skills.  How often does the turkey need to be basted?  How many cups of flour are needed for a batch of cookies?  Find age appropriate ways for your helpers to pitch in.

• Buy Gifts:  If you will be exchanging gifts with friends or extended family, have your child help you make a list.  Point out item descriptions as you clip coupons for department stores, browse online shopping sites, or brave the crowds at the mall.  And everyone can help write out gift tags.

• Go Caroling:  Whatever holiday you celebrate, there are bound to be either new or traditional songs tunes for everyone to sing together.  You don’t have to go door-to-door or sit at the piano to teach your children new songs.  Listen to family favorites while wrapping presents to work on listening comprehension.  You can also buy sheet music or print out lyrics to follow along with.

• Make lists and check them twice:  Hosting a gathering, whether a holiday dinner or a festive party, requires a lot of planning ahead of time.  In the run-up to the big event, make chore lists together and hang them up to get the whole family to help.  Have your kids help plan the menu and the shopping list.  They may even want to make individual menus to put at place settings for guests.

• Rewind the fun:  Have your child to recap the holiday fun for a teacher, friend or relative.  Your pre-reader can draw a picture of a favorite present while an older child can go into detail about the family dinner.  Ask questions about what they enjoyed and why.

Adapted from scholastic.com